| Foolish |
[Aug. 30th, 2003|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | foolish | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ashanti - "Foolish" | ] |
Here's a little ditty that I heard today that was big last year. It made such an impact with me, in fact, that it became my self-touted theme song and the inspiration for my second tattoo.
"Foolish"
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
Baby I don't know why you're treating me so bad
You said you loved me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is beating for you
I can't stop crying
I can't see how I allow you to treat me this way and still I stay
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
Baby I don't know why you wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you can bring me to so many tears after all these years
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
Oh, I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
What love will make you do
All the things that we accept
Be the things that we regret
So all of my ladies (ladies)
Feel me, come on, sing with me
See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak 'cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You could learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change, never gonna change, never gonna change
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you
Baby when you hurt me
You leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
Your something always holds me back |
|
|
| Something That You Said |
[Aug. 30th, 2003|02:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nancy Sinatra - "Long Time Woman" | ] |
It's 2 a.m. I can't sleep. I just got home from work an hour ago. It was a long day. Busy news day. At the end of the day, I always look back to how crazy and hectic it was when the workday began - how I thought, "I'm never going to get this information for this story." But, then it almost always works out in the end. And you make do. We all make do with what we've got.
Now I'm just sitting at my computer, listening to Nancy Sinatra's 1969 album "Nancy" (probably one of her most underrated works. But, then again, nearly everything she does is underrated), waiting for the tranquilizer I took 30 minutes ago to kick in. But I can't get something that someone said to me tonight out of my head.
At the end of my shift of Fridays, I always stay a little later to gossip and chat with my favorite editor. I have so much respect and admiration for that woman, I don't think she even realizes it. There are few people in my life that I've met that simply being in their presence makes me feel so secure, so safe. She's one of them. We don't have to speak, but when we do it's always a great conversation. But, just watching how she operates, the talent she exudes, it's really remarkable. It's like being in a concert hall and watching someone like Judy Garland or Frank Sinatra belting out a tune. You have to stop yourself and take a mental picture because you know people like this come along just once in a lifetime.
That's not my reason for writing this. It's what she told me when she was dispensing her wisdom that really struck a chord. Our conversations run the gammut. We talk about everything. Usually there's a lot of newspaper talk. She knows her stuff. She's been around, and seen it all. So, she gives great advice to me - a budding journalist. But then we talk about personal things, too.
And after unloading some of my problems and concerns on her she said, "Go home and make a list of the things you need in life. It'll put things into perspective." Of course, this statement is taken completely out of context of the full conversation. But it resonated with me. It made me ask myself: "What do you want? And what do you need?" And I realized while some of my needs are being fulfilled, there is a whole other set of needs that yearn to be filled. Problem is, I have to sort through them and see which ones are needs of the heart and which ones are needs of the soul - - and if there really can be a balance between the two. I think there can. I just have to find it... and not be foolish when I cross the border. |
|
|
| Get Happy |
[Aug. 27th, 2003|07:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Plural - "Feel Richer" | ] |
After work on Saturday, I met my friend Chad at Vapor. (Boy, has that place gone downhill. There were probably about a total of 30 people there). Some gross old guy thought I was beautiful and bought me a drink. I had been feeling good most of last week (see previous entry), and the good mood continued into Saturday night.
There were talks about going to an after-hours club on Route 1 in Saugus after Vapor. (In between this, there was this hot straight couple tearing up the dance floor. The guy was cocky, but beautiful and an amazing dancer. Hence - great in bed!). Chad and I were a little apprehensive about going to an after-hours. He had a busy day ahead of him on Sunday, and I had plans with Gary and his ex Scott, but partying was how Chad and I met. So, we figured it'd only be fitting we say goodbye the way we said hello: totally, utterly fucked up.
The last time I partied was with Chad five months ago. To the best of my knowledge, that was the last time he did it as well. The club, called The Diplomat, is open from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. between 2 and 3 a.m., they close to lock up the liquor, and then reopen as an after-hours. They have very strict policies (they literally pad you down at the door, and brother, their hands go everywhere!). We were accompanied by one of my friends from high school and his boyfriend.
It was a mixed crowd, but the music was awesome, the dancing was great and we had the time of our lives (a la "Dirty Dancing"). I was a little more than messy, but, hey, I don't party as much as I did last summer, so once in a while is always a good time. We left around 6:30 and Chad drove him and I back to his place. We talked and I realized how much I'm going to miss him, but we had been building up to his departure so much that the actual goodbye was anti-climactic.
I drove home around 9 a.m. For all it was worth, I had an amazing time, but a hell of time getting to sleep. I didn't realize the pills I took were so strong, that I kept going, and going, and going, and going (a la the Energizer Bunny).
By this point, all actual times are blurred. I met Gary and Scott in Boston in the afternoon, after a cool two hours of off-and-on sleep. Scott was a nice guy, and despite me being so tired, I thought I was pretty lively. The 40 ounces of water and 32 ounces of juice I chugged helped - although it did wonders for the bladder. We shopped and ate at CPK, then retreated to Gary's to watch "The Rules of Attraction." I decided that when I write my novel, I was going to write a book like "The Rules of Attraction." Brett Easton Ellis is a great writer.
Anyway, I went home and promptly went to bed. I had to work at my other job at 7 a.m. Monday morning. I managed to make it on time, make a little extra dough, and get out by 2 in the afternoon. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep, so I went to the mall and farted around for a while. Since I had been up 22 hours from Saturday into Sunday and worked on my day off on Monday, I decided an early bedtime was necessary Monday night. So I was in bed by 8 p.m.
In other news, after last summer, I came to a realization. I made a lot of self-improvements and found out that my own personal happiness is all up to me. Only I can be responsible for it. Last fall, I hit this high. I was happy for no reason. I was happy with who I was, where I was, and what I was doing. I didn't need anyone else but me. At the beginning of 2003, the feeling faded somewhat. A lot of changes transpired. I had "grown up" in 2002, but felt I was personally failing every test I've gone through in 2003. Then something clicked. I had been tryin' to get the feeling again for a while, and I think it's back.
Ever since last week, I've just been really happy - for no reason. I'm content with things, with me, with everything. It's such an amazing feeling. Little Bird's been trying out his wings this year, and I still have to learn how to fly on my own, but right now I feel I'm soaring... |
|
|
| Feelin' So Good |
[Aug. 23rd, 2003|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay - "The Scientist" | ] |
It's so weird how one week you're ready to throw yourself in front of a bus, and the next, you're ridin' on top of the world.
Although this week has, once again, proved to be stressful (mostly work-related stress), I've been feeling the best I've felt in a while!
Thursday I was handed a really tough story that I had to do by myself on deadline. Not only was the subject matter unpleasant, there were so many parties involved, I was swamped with phone calls, legal mumbo-jumbo, and people not returning phone calls, and hitting dead end after dead end trying to get (accurate) information. But, the story was bumped from inside the paper, to the front of the City & Region section, so that was a plus. But I was really feeling down in the dumps.
I had felt sick that day and I haven't been to the doctor. I was worried that maybe I have some kind of bug or something. Even during therapy Thursday afternoon I was just so out of it. So, I decided to try something different. Usually when I get home from work, I shower, unwind, eat something, watch TV. Way too much stimulation! And I don't fall asleep until close to 3 a.m. Then I don't sleep straight through the night because my air conditioner makes too much noise. I wake up groggy, irritable, I don't eat anything, then I get to work and get slammed with tough work. No wonder I've been feeling like shit.
So, when I got home Thursday night, I took my shower, hopped right into bed and slept straight through (the tranquilizers helped) for eight hours. I woke up my usual time, felt good, had a big lunch of pasta - had some vitamins, St. John's and Gingko - and by the time I got to work, I was feeling so good. And that great feeling lasted continuously throughout the day. I was less nervous, more confident - and I even looked better, I thought, because I was well rested and feeling healthy. And, I got to do a follow-up story on Friday, which was nice.
That night, I was sent out to a shooting - which turned out to be a police shooting - and the story was so big, they moved it to PAGE ONE! My third front-page story! What's even better is, I got a double byline with Heather! She and I have both had Page One stories and I've always had a wish that maybe, one day, we'd get one together... and we did! I'm so happy and proud!
I got home late last night (gossiping with my fave editor till 2 a.m.), but, same thing - hopped in the shower, then right into bed. Woke up today, ate a big lunch, had a my vitamins and I've been feeling GREAT! Yay! Life is good! |
|
|
| Summer's Swan Song |
[Aug. 19th, 2003|12:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nancy Sinatra - "California Dreamin'" | ] |
Just had to express my amazement that the summer is rapidly drawing to a close. I know it doesn't technically end until the first day of fall, but, for me, summer always ended when school began. And school begins exactly three weeks from today. Naturally, as I do every summer, I make a list of things I want to do and places I want to visit. More often than not, I never get to visit half the places because of schedule problems with work and stuff.
But it seems like yesterday that the summer was just beginning. Of course, weather wise, we havent really had much of a summer (or spring, for that matter). So, it could have seemed shorter. But my summer begins when school ends. And it ended the last day of April, which means the four months I've had my "summer vacation" are just about done.
Is it just me, or does every year seem to fly by faster as you get older? Before I know it, it'll be time to pack up my bags and move out west.
On a completely unrelated sidenote: I'm on a quest to find a horror movie that's actually SCARY! I've loved horror movies ever since I was little and the only two movies that really scared me were "Halloween" and "Rosemary's Baby." Does anyone have any recommendations? I've seen all the big ones (i.e. "The Exorcist") and the underrated classics ("Black Christmas"). So, I'm looking for something out of left field that I can rent that'll scare the shit out of me. |
|
|
| I'm Easy |
[Aug. 18th, 2003|10:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Keith Carradine - "I'm Easy" | ] |
So, I keep adding DVDs to my collection and then not watching them. But I got my copy of Robert Altman's "Nashville" in the mail a few days ago and put that on for a bit. (It's probably one of the most clever movies I've ever seen). So, it has this Oscar-winning song by Keith Carradine called "I'm Easy." And I hadn't heard it in a while, so I played it and it's such an amazing song that I felt compelled to type the lyrics out:
It's not my way to love you just when no one's lookin'
It's not my way to take your hand if I'm not sure
It's not my way to let you see what's goin' on inside of me
When it's a love you won't be needing, you're not free
Please stop pullin' at my sleeve if you're just playin'
If you won't take the things you make me want to give
I never cared too much for games
And this one's driving me insane
You're not half as free to wander as you claim
But I'm easy
Yeah I'm easy
Give the word, I'll play your game
As though that's how it ought to be
Because I'm easy
Don't lead me on if there's nowhere for you to take me
If lovin' you will have to be a sometime thing
I can't put bars on my insides
My love is something I can't hide
It still hurts when I recalled the times I tried
But I'm easy
Yeah I'm easy
Take my hand and pull me down
I won't put up any fight
Because I'm easy
Don't do me favors let me watch you from a distance
'Cause when you're near I find it hard to keep my head
And when your eyes throw light at mine
It's enough to change my mind
Make me leave my cautious words and ways behind
That's why I'm easy
Yeah I'm easy
Say you want me, I'll come runnin'
Without takin' time to think
Because I'm easy
Yeah I'm easy
Take my hand and pull me down
I won't put up any fight
Because I'm easy
Yeah I'm easy
Give the word, I'll play your game
As though that's how it ought to be
Because I'm easy |
|
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| Poopin' & P-Town |
[Aug. 18th, 2003|01:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cyndi Lauper - "True Colors" | ] |
Luckily, I got out of work at a reasonable time on Friday and made a bee-line for Gary's. We had to catch a 9 a.m. boat (the fast ferry) to Provincetown on Saturday. This is my birthday/graduation gift from my sister and her husband. We woke up at 6:30 a.m. (UGH!) and got ready. We took the T over to Long Wharf (next to the Aquarium). The boat was, naturally, a ship full of fags. We each ate a roast turkey sandwich (at 9 o'clock in the morning) at a booth - which was nice, because we were able to stretch out and relax.
The fast ferry only takes 90 min to get to P-Town from Boston, versus the other ferry, which takes 3 hours (sing-a-long here: "a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour"). We got to P-Town on time and began walking to the center of town. We were each carrying a backpack loaded with extra clothes, magazines, walkmans, etc. and we had to lug those around all day. (Part of the reason is we needed an extra change of clothes because we were going to dinner right after we got back to Boston).
It felt like 3 in the afternoon, but it was only 11 a.m. The sun was scorching, the homos plentiful and the shops expensive. It was too early to eat, so we shopped a little and made a valiant effort to find an inexpensive towel (since I forgot to bring one). This one store had designer towels for $40, which I LOVED, but then I forbade myself from spending $40 on a towel. So, I ended up buying one for $20. After I bought it I said, "Well, if I'm foolish enough to spend $20 on a towel, might as well get one I like at $40, right?" But, too little, too late.
We ate pizza at Spiritus (Gary's fave) and chugged about 90 gallons of water apiece. We frequented Spiritus throughout the day for hydration and bathroom breaks and on one trip, we saw this family with three children and two of them were twin girls, dressed the same (except in different colors) and they kept staring at us. I'm telling you, they were right out of "Village of the Damned." I was afraid we were going to turn to stone or something.
I know P-Town generally attracts an older crowd, but for some reason I felt like a fetus! Everyone was like 45-years-old and up. It was a little disconcerting because I felt like I didn't belong there - like I was too young to understand what P-Town was all about.
Then we decided to walk to beach - and walk, and walk, and walk, and walk...
Gary: "It's just a little further. Right over that sand dune." (Points to sand dune about 3132832 miles away)
Little Bird: "Tweet. Tweet. Too bad my wings are broken, I'd fly us on over."
On the way, we removed our flip-flops to make it easier to walk in the sand. We made it to the beach, which, I think, literally had all men and no women. (Unless the women were lesbians and could be mistaken for men). We found a place in the sand and roasted in the sun. After about an hour, the clouds started rolling in and they were so dark, it felt like the clock skipped ahead eight hours and it was now 9 o'clock.
There werent many people in the water, but one brave soul decided to go in naked. Now, I've seen plenty of naked men in my day - but it's such a spectacle when you see someone in public with nothing on, that it's so hard not to look. More power to him though - and what a sensation that must be to swim in the ocean naked in front of a million ogling gay men.
It started to drizzle and we quickly scooped up our belongings and made our way back to the center of town - a cool 40 minutes away. Everyone was leaving the beach and it looked like a mass exodus of fags (Fag-sodus?). We tried desperately to clean our feet and flip-flops in the salt marsh ponds, but that proved to be slightly difficult. On our way back, we passed this weird looking thing that resembled a house, except it was made out of sticks. (Very "Blair Witch" stick men). It was about two-feet tall and I said to Gary as it began to hail, "You know, if we lived here, we'd be home by now." (Okay, guess you had to be there, but it was pretty funny).
We managed to clean our feet as best we could and luckily the rain let up. I had to pee (there's a shocker) and Gary asked if there was a bathroom on the ferry. I said, "Yeah, it's one room with a pickle jar and you have to aim very carefully. And they left a few wet-naps to wash your hands with." That led to about an hour's worth of toilet talk.
Aside from some of his other quirks, I found out Gary has this weird obsession with shit - a "defacation fascination" I call it. We were like two giddy little schoolboys talking about poop and pee for an hour. I think all that time in the sun had finally gotten to us. We got to the ferry on time and spending wise, we did pretty well. Aside from the $20 towel, we only bought about $15 worth of food and drinks. Not bad, considering we're both broke.
The 4 o'clock ferry got us back to Boston's Long Wharf at 5:45 and we hightailed it to Rowes Wharf to grab some dinner at Anthony's Pier 4 (courtesy once again of my sister and her hubby). I know it's tacky and a tourist trap - and maybe it's the two pictures of Judy Garland they have on display - but it's always been my favorite restaurant in Boston. I know back in the day that was THE place to go on the weekends. You can tell by all the pictures of celebrities they have on display adorning the walls. And they used to have a VERY strict dress code. You needed to be dressed up, dinner jacket and all. They'd even supply you with a dinner jacket for the evening if you forgot one, and wouldn't allow you in the main dining room without one.
It's different now - very casual, but something about Gary's muscles protruding from his sleeveless Abercrombie tee must have scared the two hosts because they wouldn't let him in without some kind of sleeved shirt. Luckily, he had one and we took our seat. By that point I think we were so drained from hoofing it around P-Town, a comfortable leather smoking chair was welcome (minus the smoke).
It's an expensive place, but we had a good amount on the gift certificate and this was my birthday dinner - dammit! - so I wanted to go all out. I got clam chowder, a Glover salad, two popovers (a Pier 4 trademark), a roll, breadsticks, filet mignon, a baked potato, and a sorbet sampler for dessert. Gary got shrimp scampi, a salad, fresh Atlantic salmon and chocolate cake for dessert. The gift certificate covered about 3/4 of the bill. The food was excellent.
I felt so bloated after I thought I was going to topple over. We walked from Rowes Wharf to New England Medical Center to catch the Silver Line. We certainly worked off what we ate. It started thundering and lightning, but it was kind of pretty, and Gary started telling me about some of his past relationships. It was nice and made me realize that even though we're very close, there's still a lot I don't know about him, and I like finding out things about my friends I didn't know before. Every new thing you discover is just another reason to grow closer, because it means you trust each other more and more. And sometimes it's hard for me to realize that Gary's older than me and has been to a lot of the places and done a lot of things I've yet to do. But, on the same token, it's really comforting because that means when I finally get there and do them, I have someone I can turn to who'll understand. :)
We wanted to see "Freddy vs. Jason," but the next show was playing too late, so we decided to stay in and watch "Final Destination." I had never seen it before and it was pretty good - cheesy, but good. (Although whoever did Devon Sawa's makeup should be fired, because he looked awful). I keep trying to get Gary to watch some older movies, but he's not budging thus far. But I convinced him he has to watch the movie "Black Christmas" which is a spooky, underrated horror classic starring Olivia Hussey and Margot Kidder. Hopefully we'll watch it soon.
I went home and showered and it felt so good to wash off that gross feeling you get after spending too much time in the sun at the beach. On Sunday, we met up and saw "Freddy vs. Jason." It was SOOOOO bad. I've seen every "Nightmare On Elm Street" movie and it's my favorite horror movie series. But this one didn't even have any charm to it like the others did. I was really disappointed. And the acting was probably the worst acting I've ever seen committed to celluloid.
After the movie I went to my friend Chad's going away dinner. He's going to London for the semester in two weeks and this is one of the last times I'll see him, because when and if he comes back to Boston, I'll probably already be gone. It was a good time and it was nice to meet and socialize with some of his friends I'd never met before.
On the way home, I hit some kind of metal, crowbar-like object in the middle of the road and it punctured my rear passenger-side tire. And since I am not mechanically enclined, I really didn't know what to do or how to fix it. It was completely deflated in a matter of minutes. My front right tire already has a slow leak and I was planning to go get it fixed Monday, but now I had to get two new tires! Luckily, I broke down a street away from my grandparent's house and I drove there and parked the car and had my mom pick me up. Luckily, it wasn't too late.
Today I got both tires fixed, but it set me back a pretty penny. Now I'm just enjoying my final day off. I just have to get through the next two weeks and then I took off five days - right before I start school for the final time. |
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|
| Slippin' |
[Aug. 15th, 2003|05:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beyonce (featuring Sean Paul) - "Baby Boy" | ] |
Saturday after work, I met Heather and we went to Dedo to celebrate my birthday. I had no interest or intention of getting drunk. In fact, after my breakdown last Tuesday, I've vowed to only enbibe, and not drink. I get far too emotional and unstable and messy when I do drink heavily. I think I had a total of four Midori Sours over two hours - not enough to substantiate a buzz.
It was just Heather and I and for some reason I had the urge to go to Buzz - the club I don't really like. We snagged a piece of pizza (cause I hadn't eaten) and hightailed it over to Buzz. Outside, we met some friends of mine. Despite the fact that I wasn't in the mood to see anyone, it was nice to see them. I really didn't feel like telling anyone it was my birthday. To me it was just another day.
I gave Heather the tour of Buzz, since she'd never been. We met some more of my aquaintances and Heather fell in love with one of them. He's someone I've known since my drug/party days, and is one of the few that has his head on his shoulders. He looks like Jack from "Will & Grace."
On Sunday - my birthday - I awoke around 2 p.m. (my present to myself was allowing myself to sleep in all day) and called Gary. We made plans to see "Freaky Friday," and go out to dinner. Gary said we couldn't go out to dinner cause he's broke, but I said I didn't mind paying. (I love to eat!) Gary tried to stop me as he said I shouldn't have to pay for dinner on my birthday, but no biggie.
I was touched that one of my friends who I rarely see remembered it was my birthday and called me. He's such a great guy and one of those people I'm thankful to still have in my life - despite not seeing or talking to him every day. He wanted to know if I was going to Avalon and said he'd meet me there. But I really wasn't in the mood at that point. So he said maybe later we could meet up for drinks. I said, "Definitely!"
Gary and I saw "Freaky Friday" with Jamie Lee Curtis. FUCKING HILARIOUS! I highly recommend it. After, we ate at Stephanie's On Newbury. I had been there once before. I got the clam chowder and grilled tenderloin beef salad. Yummmmm. But after I ate, I felt a little woozy. I figured it was just heavy stuff and wasn't settling well. Gary and I shopped at Virgin a little - (this DVD thing is getting out of control!) - and then my friend called and invited me over his place for a few drinks.
Gary bailed, but I went over my friend's house. For some reason, I got the impression there was going to be a lot of people there. But, it turned out to be just me, my friend and his boyfriend - which, actually, was nicer. We drank beers and reminisced. We were a little tipsy, so we decided to go to Avalon. The music was AMAZING! I wasnt even fucked up and I was groovin' along.
The night ended around 1:30, and I got home around 2 and went to bed. On Monday, Gary and I just went out to lunch and walked around. That evening, we went over to my sister's house in Gary's hometown for cake and ice cream. (Funfetti Cake, of course). It was fun, and I'm glad Gary got to meet my family. (They've had nothing but nice things to say about him since - especially my grandma).
We repeated our Monday night reality TV lineup (minus "Fear Factor") and then I went home. Some birthday, huh? The company was the best part. Tuesday I went to therapy - first time in two weeks. It was nice to catch up. And she put my mind at ease about certain things. When I walked out of there, I felt like I was the king of the world (minus the Titanic). When I got to work, I started to feel out of it though - really run down, kind of nauseous. Then I started to get nervous because I didn't want my state of mind to be reflected in my work. But, I managed.
On Wednesday I woke up early and went out to lunch with my friend Maureen - another friend I hadn't seen in a while. We met in Boston and went to Friday's before I had to go to work. I barely made it through my salad when I thought I was going to vomit. I took a few bites of my lemon chicken scallopine, and had the waitress wrap the rest up. On the way out, I went to the bathroom and up came the salad! Then I started to feel faint. I was alarmed because even though I haven't been feeling well physically (or mentally, for that matter) - I had never actually gotten sick. And this was only salad!
I felt bad, too, because I was a complete zombie the rest of the afternoon and Maureen paid for the meal and I gave half of it back to the toilet. I made it into work somehow, 30 min. early, and went to the medical center. I took some Mylanta, and even though the nauseous feeling had passed, I really felt like I was going to pass out. Of course there had to be a rational explanation for why I've been feeling sick: I have a stressful job and school starts in three weeks (my last semester of college EVER!), I don't eat properly, I certainly don't sleep well at all, and dont exercise. No wonder I got sick, huh?
I got about an hour into work when I felt like I might as well be six feet under. I told my fave editor and they sent me home no problem. I got home around 6, took some heavy-duty tranquilizers and didn't wake up until 11 o'clock the next morning. That's 17 hours of sleep! It's an understatement to say I've been run down.
I went out yesterday with my friend Nick to lunch and managed to keep everything down. Even though I was still a bit tired, I was the most well-rested I've been in a LONG time. The last time I slept like that was when I got mono at the beginning of the year and slept - literally - for 24 hours one weekend.
Yesterday was an insane day at work, but I'm glad I got all that rest. Had I not, who knows what would have happened. I dont like to leave work early. I have a strong work ethic and that's not my style to leave early, but I HAD to. But, for some reason, I feel like I'm starting to slip. Maybe it's just nerves, but I feel like I haven't been up to par this week - and being an overachiever, I cannot have this!
Although, I was reading an article about stress-busters in my mother's Ladies' Home Journal magazine yesterday (And yes, it's my mom's. If I'm fessin' up to reading it, I'd fess up if I was subscribing to it, too). I know all these women's magazines have articles like that and they're pretty much the same, but I wanted to check it out anyway. They had two boxes, each with three columns. One column had mental energy drainers, one had physical energy drainers and the last one had spiritual energy drainers. The second box had the same thing except they were mental, physical and spiritual uplifters. The #2 item listed under mental energy drainers was: "Too much exposure to news, whether on TV or in newspapers." Um, hello?! No wonder I've been feeling like shit! I'm a crime reporter! My whole life is writing about death.
So, I found some people to cover for me and took three days off the first weekend in September, so I can have a 5-day weekend. I need a break. And, if they ask why, I'll say, "Cause the Ladies' Home Journal said so!" |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2003|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ace of Base - "Dr. Sun" | ] |
Yesterday was a LONG day at work, but my favorite editor and Heather - along with other Globe co-horts - bought me a key lime pie (my favorite dessert, since I hate chocolate) and Starbursts (my favorite candy) and we celebrated my birthday two days early. Heather was SO sweet and bought me two shirts from the Gap. I was so touched (and her card brought me to tears).
Some of Gary's friends IMed me and emailed me well wishes, too! :)
Tonight, Heather and I are going to my favorite bar for a drink. But no heavy drinking for me. I intend to sleep ALL day tomorrow. That's my present to myself. Last year turning 21 was such a big deal. This year is so ho-hum. But that's fine. I don't need big bashes every year. As long as I have a good time - and I know how to do that. Gary and I are going to see "Freaky Friday" tomorrow and Monday we're going over my sister's house for cake and ice cream. BUT - next Saturday Gary and I are going to Provincetown, and then Anthony's Pier 4 for dinner, courtesy of my sister and her husband! Yay! (I pray the weather is nice!) |
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| Now, Voyager |
[Aug. 7th, 2003|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cyndi Lauper - "Heading West" | ] |
Well, last week was hell. But, I had a three-day weekend and it was very much relaxing. Sunday I slept in all day and called Bones around 2 and we went to get some Chinese food in Newton. We've been having crazy weather here - I think remnants of a tropical storm. One minute it's bright and sunny out, and the next minute it downpours. Very strange. The rain didn't cool us off though. It just made the heat wet.
We headed back into Boston and shopped for a while. Then we watched a couple movies: the rest of "The House of Yes" and "The Hours." "The Hours" was good, but not as good as everyone touted it to be. I don't see why Nicole Kidman got the Oscar. She was good, but Julianne Moore was better. Then I decided it was time for me to march boldly into the 21st century and buy a DVD player. Videos are being pushed out and all my favorite movies are either on DVD or soon-to-be released.
So, on Monday I picked Gary up and we first went to about 300 different Shaw's and Star Markets to visit the Coinstar machine. Ironically, most of them were being fixed or upgraded. But, I got $100 for my big bag of change. Not bad. We went to Best Buy in the classy Watertown Mall and purchased my Sony DVD player. I was planning on paying for it myself, but then Gary offered to buy it for me for my birthday. I was completely surprised and very touched. What a great gift! I'm already getting so much pleasure from it. Thanks, Bones!
I made a vow that when I got a DVD player, the first DVD I would buy would be Nancy Sinatra's 1967 Emmy-winning special "Movin' With Nancy." Unfortunately, Best Buy didn't have it, but I knew I had seen it at Virgin the day before. So, we went back there. Before, we stopped at Papa Gino's in the mall and ate. It seems that was a hot spot for both Gary and I growing up. We talked a lot about our childhoods this weekend and decided to relive them a bit. It seems we both played with Lincoln Logs when we were growing up, so we wanted to buy some. Unfortunately, we never made it FAO Schwartz, but it would have been fun - especially in weather like this! And, I'd finally get to see Gary's architectural skills in action! LOL :)
I did buy "Movin' With Nancy" - my first DVD! On the way back to Gary's we stopped at Copley Square, in front of the Trinity Church and sat by the water fountain. It was relaxing. We were cracking jokes about people and the breeze was nice. A perfect lazy summer day activity. Walking back to Gary's, we got caught in a monsoon! We decided to veg out in front of the TV. As it happened, we got home just before a one-hour document on Mommie, a.k.a. Joan Crawford, was to start and we watched that. What a bitch! I'm a Bette Davis fan through and through.
We then set in for an exciting night of reality TV. I made dip and ran across the street to Store 24 to buy carrots and chips. Gary and I laughed it up! What a fun time! What a fun weekend! It was so nice to just relax and spend time with my best boy. He truly is one of the best people I've ever met and I'm so proud to have him as my best friend :)
On the way home, I made an emergency stop at Barnes & Noble in the Prudential Center to buy the first volume of "The Judy Garland Show" on DVD. I just had to have both Judy and Nancy christen my player. My DVD player works great! I hooked it up as soon as I got home. The TV I had in my bedroom wasn't compatable, so I panicked for a moment, thinking I'd have to buy a new TV. But, luckily the family TV in the kitchen WAS compatable and I just switched the sets. They're both the same size. Crisis averted.
Tuesday I splurged and bought SIX more DVDs at Best Buy. Six of my all-time favorite movies: "The Wizard of Oz," "All About Eve," "Rebel Without A Cause," "Giant," "Chinatown," and "Now, Voyager." And since then, I've ordered EIGHT more online: "The Harvey Girls," "A Star Is Born" (1954), "Bonnie and Clyde," "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?," "The Little Foxes," "The Birds," "Mommie Dearest," and "Nashville."
Tuesday night I met up with Chad. We had tickets to see Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera at the FleetCenter. Chad leaves for London in a couple weeks, so this was going to be our last hurrah together! He and I have been through a lot together since we became friends over a year ago. But, we've always stuck by each other and he's one of my best friends. Before the concert, we ate at BK and went to The Harp for a few drinks. We knew we'd need to be intoxicated to deal with the slew of teenage girls at the concert. Literally, we were two of the oldest people there...and male! We did a couple of shots. We toasted to our friendship and Chad's words really rang true. He said: "Here's to us, to making it through, and to getting the fuck out!" Amen.
By the time the concert started, I was loaded. We ended up getting beer at the concesion stand. Yes, beer. The concert ended up being a mini high-school reunion for me. I saw a few girls I was friends with and even one of the jocks who tortured me. But, I've let go of that grudge a long time ago, so he and I actually chatted for a bit.
The concert was fun. Sure, Justin and X-Tina were only three inches tall, but it was great! After the concert, we went to Here, the new gay night at this club on Boylston Street (right below Restoration Hardware). We chatted with some friends/acquaintances and then decided to catch a cab home. I drove - and I probably shouldn't have - and got home around 1. Then something just kind of hit me and sparked this overflow of emotion. I think it was just this culmination of a lot of emotions and feelings and stress I'd been going through over the past couple weeks. And that all came out Tuesday night.
Yesterday I woke up feeling like crap. My breakdown just wore me out, physically and mentally. In fact, I was tempted to call in sick to work. When I got there, I felt really light-headed and thought I was going to faint, and I kept getting the chills. Little Bird's little body crashed. Luckily, it was a slow night.
Today, I felt much better. I got some rest, but I still feel kind of down. I really think there's something in the water. NONE of my friends have been in good moods lately. Weird.
But, this weekend, although the weather will be crappy, should be fun and relaxing. I have no plans for my birthday on Sunday, other than to see "Freaky Friday" with Gary. Then Monday should be relaxing, too, with just a family get together at my sister's for cake and ice cream. 22 is such a nothing age. Last year at this time I had my weekend 21st birthday blowout planned for months. Oh, what a great weekend that was! One of the best birthdays ever. But, this birthday will be spent exactly as I want it - relaxed and doing nothing. The thought is intoxicating. |
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| Front Page |
[Aug. 2nd, 2003|02:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Judy Garland - "Get Happy" | ] |
Well, despite this week going by too slowly, and being extremely hectic and tiring - last night I got an amazing payoff. A story I wrote made the front page of the Boston Globe! It's my second front-page story. My first was in February with the West Warwick nightclub fire. I was surprised the story I helped work on last night (about a daycare worker charged with murder) made the front page! But it's such a great feeling to see my name there! |
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| How Are Things In California? |
[Jul. 30th, 2003|07:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ATB - "9 P.M. (Till I Come)" | ] |
After work on Saturday, I met Gary and his friends for drinks at Dedo. His friends were very nice. Gary, apparently, was shitfaced, but I really couldn't tell. I didn't drink. I had busy days planned for Sunday and Monday. I drove Gary home and went to my house and passed out. I was up by 10 the next morning, got ready and went back to G-Dogg's. My friend Amanda, who I hadn't seen since she moved into her North End apartment in September, met us at Gary's and we dined at The Garden of Eden in the South End.
Amanda and I met quite by chance about 5 years ago. She randomly IMed me online one day inquiring about Emerson College - a school I was going to be attending in the fall, and one she was interested in applying to. From them on it was constant IM convos and eventually phone convos and we became fast friends. She even knew me back in my heterosexual days!
We don't see each other often, but she's a lot of fun (her birthday is exactly one day before mine) and the three of us had a great time. The food was great at the Garden of Eden. I've walked by it so many times and never went in. It was nice to try something new. I didn't want Gary to feel uncomfortable or left out, since Amanda and I had a lot of catching up to do, but she's a people person and I think they hit it off.
After lunch, we went to Club Cafe for a few drinks. We laughed some more (Amanda couldn't get over the fact that Gary's 30). Amanda went home and Gary I took a trip down Newbury Street and popped in a few stores. He took me into the Gargoyle Store, but I left immediately. That place is creepy. It's not so much the gargoyles - but all the religious paraphernalia they have. Those life-sized statues of Jesus and Mary freaked me out.
We shopped for music, of course, and I was tempted to buy a Judy Garland CD, but Virgin is way expensive. We had dinner plans with my friend Maita and her boyfriend, Andy, later that night, so we headed back to Gary's to veg out for a bit and recoup our strength. (Fuckin' heat is drainin' yo!). We started watching this one movie called "The Smokers." It sucked. So, we started watching "The House of Yes," with Parker Posey. It was very funny, but we stopped watching halfway because we had to meet my friends.
We dined at Laurel, in the South End (around the corner from Club Cafe). It's a favorite spot of Maita's, her bf's and mine. I hadn't seen Maita in a long time either. The first half of dinner Maita and I did most of the talking. Her bf is way laid back and Gary was pretty tired. It was cool though cause she and I had a lot of catching up to do as well, but I still didn't want Gary to feel left out or anything. The food was divine. And I think eating boosted everyone's energy cause by the end of the meal, we were laughing so much. Maita started doing these psychological-type tests where schools and businesses pay you to be guinea pigs. It sounds like a cool way to make a few extra bucks - and fun! Some of the freaky medical tests can pay upward of $1,000. But they put you to sleep for like weeks and weeks and fuck up your entire system. But, hey, if you need a quick buck...
Sunday night I had a sex dream. I don't remember much, other than the act took place in a school hallway, around the corner from my friends, in some darkened doorway. We just ripped off our clothes and started fucking. (I was wearing windbreaker pants. Don't ask). The only other part I remember was me guiding his dick inside of me. I didn't know the guy, and don't remember what he looked like, but I remember him as being VERY cute. And I was very attracted to him. He had these big, dark eyes that kept staring at me (or through me, as the case may be). HOT!
Gary didn't take this past Monday off, which was fine because I had to work my other job. And I had to be there at 7 a.m.! I was up at 5:30! That's usually closer to my bed time than wake-up time! Work was SLOW, so I left an hour early. I went tanning, passed out for all of 30 minutes when I got home and then got ready for dinner. I was meeting my friend Kelila in Boston - another friend I haven't seen in a while!
We ate at Trident Cafe on Newbury. The food was SOOOO good. We chatted and laughed. It seems my friends and I - although I hadn't seen any of them in a while - had all been thinking along the same lines: It's time to move. I've had the yearning to leave Boston for a while now. I love it, but I am SO sick of it. I need to leave it to miss it again. The West Coast is calling. Originally, I was going to go this fall for a two to three months. Then I got this job at the Globe. I decided to postpone the extended vacation until next summer. Now, the "vacation" has been extended even more. Next fall, I'm moving to California. I've got my sister on the hunt for apartments (in San Francisco and L.A.) and jobs.
Living on my own in Boston was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I had to depend solely on myself. I had to support myself, and that forced me to grow up faster. California, I expect, will do the same, only on a whole other level. Mom and Dad won't be a 20-minute car ride away anymore. My want of new experiences, new faces, and new surroundings has become a thriving need. Although it won't be easy to leave certain people and things behind, I have to do this for myself while I'm young. I refuse to graduate, settle down in a job and work the rest of my life without knowing what else is out there. I don't want to be 55, retired and go out to California only to wish I went out there 30 years before.
So, I'm beyond elated about this giant leap I'm going to make. It's exciting and scary, but I really think it's going to be worth it.
Anyway, I told my parents and they think it's a great idea. So long as I find a job with health benefits, they support the idea. Tuesday, I went to therapy and it was great, as usual. We talked a lot about the things that have been bothering me lately and we finally hit on something new, that, maybe will explain - and give me a reason - for why I've been feeling the way I've been feeling. So, that in and of itself, is a kind of relief. Tuesday at work, however, was stressful. I had so many different things thrown at me that I was standing knee-deep in "To Do" lists. But I got through it. My favorite editor - who I missed while she was on vacation last week - got me this plastic condom carrying case they were giving away for free somewhere. Her birthday is this Sunday, so Heather and I are going to get her a cake from Sweet & Nasty.
Today, as well, was stressful at work. I got called three different times by three different people for three completely different topics during my off-hours. Woe is me, huh? LOL. It can be fun job though. I had to go to Park Street station and ask people if they were on the Red Line T this morning when a woman gave birth. I was there for an hour and 45 minutes walking up and down the platform (I felt like a prostitute working the strip) asking people. People looked at me like I had 10 heads. Some of the cuter people I wanted to give head to 10 times. My editor suggested I yell at the top of my lungs and announce to the crowd of people why I was there. Um, I don't think so. Besides, there was a musician down there and it was hard to yell over his whiny voice. Literally, every other song he played was "Hotel California." I wanted to scream. At one point I was getting so frustrated that no one was talking to me that I did end up yelling to EVERYONE in Park Street station. FINALLY, a really sweet girl said she was on the T, the same car and saw the whole thing. What luck! And everything worked out okay! :)
Before work tomorrow I have to meet this guy for a possible larger story/project I'm working on.
Only completely random side notes: I need two new tires for my car which'll cost me a tidy sum. I paid all my parking tickets off - which has left me in debt - but at least I don't owe any debts. My birthday is a week from Sunday - no exciting plans as of yet. 22 isn't really an exciting age. But on the following Monday, I'm having a family get together at my sister's for cake and ice cream. I'm moving out of my hip-hop/r&b phase and am getting into dance/techno/trance, while still purchasing Judy Garland CDs. |
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| Gay Ol' Time! |
[Jul. 26th, 2003|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fragma - "Everytime You Need Me" | ] |
If there was ever any doubt that I'm gay, last night would have conviced any remaining skeptics.
Toward the end of my shift at work, I was playing online visiting such web sites as madonna.com and nancysinatra.com. Then I was surfing through different Judy Garland fan web sites and came across one that focused on the latter half of her career (live performances, television, etc.). Judy was the first diva I worshipped. And I became obsessed with her when I was 3-years-old. (You'd think my parents would have been tipped off right then and there). Growing up, while all my guy friends were out shooting hoops and playing little league baseball, I was busy watching "The Harvey Girls," and "Summer Stock," and copying the choreography moves. (I think I still know every move to "Get Happy"). Needless to say my parents were a little concerned - especially as my Judy collection grew over the years. I have Judy books, videos, dolls (yes, dolls), CDs, tapes. It's pretty sick, but opened the doors to other divas I became obsessed with (Cyndi Lauper, Nancy Sinatra, Madonna, Cher, Karen Carpenter). But Judy will always be my ultimate diva.
At any rate, I was reading about some of Judy's concerts. I knew she did one on the Boston Common in 1967 and this web site was really comprehensive (http://users.deltacomm.com/rainbowz/rr.html). They had some of the original concert reviews posted. (This was back in the day when newspapers had morning and evening editions). Well, to my surprise, the reporter who wrote one of the reviews for the Boston Globe evening edition sits four seats down from me! She must be about 150-years-old now, but to think she saw Judy Garland in concert! I'm going to corner her on Tuesday and ask her about it!
So, after work, I had the urge to watch "The Sound of Music." (Your Gaydar should be off the charts by now). Well, my hills were alive, let me tell you! But, I got bored after about 90 minutes (right after Captain Von Trapp sings "Edelweiss") and popped into a Bette Davis movie, called "Winter Meeting," to put me to sleep.
So, how gay are you? |
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| Sunlight |
[Jul. 24th, 2003|12:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Sammy - "Sunlight" | ] |
Well, that whole gettin' to bed before 2 a.m. thing lasted all of one night. I blame my irregular sleeping patterns all on Conan O'Brien. If he wasn't so damn funny, maybe I could drag myself away from the TV. I'm tellin' ya, that guy can usually make me laugh out loud at least once during his show.
I feel the urge to go shopping tomorrow, yet I have no money. And I should be sleeping! Tomorrow I get paid, but I still have a few debts to pay. :)
Now I just stuffed my face with my mom's mashed potatoes. That woman can mash one mean spud!
I told Bones today that we have to see a psychic soon. I think cause I'm at a point in my life where my future is completely up in the air, any slice of guidance is appreciated. I just don't know who to go to in the area. Suggestions? |
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| Downpour |
[Jul. 22nd, 2003|04:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Sammy - "Sunlight" | ] |
Today I discovered caffeinated water. My God, it's a miracle. I'm a strict Pepsi drinker, but I've been trying to drink less Pepsi and more water, cause the sugar isn't good. And water is 100 times better for you, obviously. But, I drink Red Bull, too. The sugar isn't good in that, either, but I like the energy boost. Enter: Fruit2O Plus Citrus Energy Boost.
It's a naturally-flavored spring water beverage with caffeine (like Pepsi), Taurine (like Red Bull), plus Vitamins A, C, B3, B6, B12, Ginseng and Guarana. An no sugar! In short, it's a God-send for caffeine addicts like myself who want the benefits of drinking water, but the boost of soda.
Well, I didn't get to bed early last night. I was ready for bed by 9 p.m., but didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. (I had a dream about Davy Jones from the Monkees singing "Daydream Believer." Not sure why). Starting tonight, I am going to be in bed BEFORE 2 a.m., and sleep until noon. I feel like if I start a somewhat normal sleeping pattern and stick with it for the week, I won't feel so drained by the weekend.
This weekend's going to be busy, but fun. "A Blast From the Past Weekend." Sunday afternoon, I'm supposed to see my friend Amanda, who I haven't seen in almost a year. Sunday evening I hope to get drinks with my friends Maita and Cyndi (who I also haven't seen in forever). And on Monday (although I have to work my other job in the morning), I hope to see my friend Kelila for dinner. Not to mention, this week I hope to get lunch with Maureen and another friend of mine.
Today I had therapy and the session went well. Talking to her always leaves me with a sense of relief. After, I walked to Downtown and Government Center and stopped into Newbury Comics to buy a CD. When I walked out of the store, it was downpouring! I ran to the Government Center T stop and took the train to Park Street. When I walked outside, the rain had stopped. It didn't cool things down, however. It just made the heat wet. But there's something about the smell of summer rain.
I grabbed some McDonald's and headed to work, where I am now. Just a six-pack of Fruit2O Plus Citrus Energy Boost to keep me company. LOL.
Anyway, here are some lyrics/quotes that I've heard today that have struck a chord with me:
From "Lookin' In" by Bobbie Gentry:
"Can't seem to settle down/Maybe I'll just hang around/But every time you pick me up/I guess I take you down/But here I am again/You'll take me back and then/It won't be long/Till I'll be gone/Upon my way again
So I spend my days thinkin' up new ways to do the same old thing/The seasons come and go without a name/And I spend my nights in the bright spotlights wishing I could let the people know/You can't win or lose unless you play the game"
From "Sunlight" by DJ Sammy:
"I'm drifting away somehow by the presence of the morning sun/I'm falling into the night/As I can see you shining bright
Sunlight/There's nothing like your warm embrace/It feels so right/Shining on your sculpted face"
From "I'm Easy" by Keith Carradine:
"Don't do me favors let me watch you from a distance/Cause when you're near I find it hard to keep my head/And when your eyes throw light at mine/It's enough to change my mind/Make me leave my cautious words and ways behind
That's why I'm easy/Yeah, I'm easy/Say you want me I'll come running/Without taking time to think/Because I'm easy" |
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| I Believe In, To Let A Little Sunshine In My Life |
[Jul. 21st, 2003|07:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Keith Carradine - "I'm Easy" | ] |
After what proved to be a rather trying and draining week, the weekend finally arrived - and disappeared just as fast as it came.
After literally sitting on my ass for eight hours on Saturday at work, I talked to Bones and we went to Dedo after I got out for a drink. It was empty. We left after one drink and headed to Club Cafe. It was slightly more crowded (I ran into someone I slept with who I hadn't seen in a while). Gary and I had a couple drinks but we were just kind of blah. The Boston area really hasn't been cutting the mustard recently. Personally, my life is pretty stagnant right now. Flatline. I do the same things day in and day out and it's just not fun anymore. (This is part of the reason I plan to move to California next year after graduation).
Gary said, "We should go back to New York soon."
I said, "Why don't we go tomorrow." He had taken today (Monday) off, so we could hop on a bus early Sunday evening, party it up and take an early Monday bus back and sleep all day. So, the idea sounded promising.
Sunday I woke up early and worked at my other job. (Not because I wanted to, but because I had to - for practical reasons). Gary text messaged me and said we'd have to put NY off for a weekend or so since he couldn't afford it. I was a little disappointed, but I could understand. Instead, I picked him up after I got out of work and we decided to go food shopping to make dinner. We had quite the smorgasbord. Salad, wild mushroom-stuffed raviolis in sauce, and garlic bread. We watched "Family Guy," and stuffed our faces. I passed out for all of 20 minutes.
I had to pick up some clothes/toiletries at my house, so we cranked the Ace of Base and took a ride to good 'ole Waltham. We headed back to Boston and decided to go see a movie. We ended up seeing "Finding Nemo." It was cute. A couple laugh-out-loud moments, but I really didn't see what the big fuss was about. Everyone is praising it and I just thought it was so-so.
Originally, we had plans to go to Avalon. I was itching to get my feet on the dancefloor, but Gary said he was too tired. But, I had my heart set on going, so he gave me the key to his apartment and I went by myself. It was more crowded than I expected and I had a great time! Danced a little, saw a couple people I knew. The music was great and I was really into it. I wish my dancing partner was there, but I made do. :)
I left around 1:30 and went back to Gary's. I didn't get to bed till around 4:30. For the life of my I COULD NOT fall asleep! Plus, Gary was already passed out and I like to have background noise to help me sleep. I have a hard time falling asleep in dead silence because I'm left alone with my thoughts and those tend to keep my awake. Not to mention I had to pee every 20 minutes. So, I just went into his living room and stood around watching the Boston skyline, and thinking.
Some neighbors of his left their lights on and their curtains wide open and they began fooling around, but disappeared into another room to go have sex. Too bad.
We had plans to take an inner-harbor cruise and go to George's Island to explore Fort Warren. But we both overslept and made it down to Long Wharf around 2:10, just missing the 2:00 ferry. The next one wasnt until 3:00, but the final ferry back was at 5:50 and that would have only give us like 90 minutes to look around. We didn't want to feel rushed, so we decided to go another time.
Gary took all four Mondays off in August and we'll go back then. (August looks to be a busy month).
We went to Fanueil Hall to grab a bite to eat then Gary wanted to go into Abercrombie to look for one thing and buy ONLY one thing, but ended up with FIVE. I bought three shirts. Then we hoofed it to the South End and had a couple drinks at Club Cafe. The whole "no Vodka" thing is working well for me so far. Midori Sours are the way to go.
I decided that my next tattoo (tattoo #3) will be a little bird (cause that's me, Little Bird) :) I think I'm going to get it on my lower back (very small) and it'll be yellow and outlined in black (much like my LiveJournal icon. In fact I may use that exact one).
We went to We Think The World Of You, and I bought a couple books. Then we hit Market - a trendy, expensive clothing store (one of, if not the only store of its kind in the South End. You'd think the NY-style stores would all be in the South End where the fags are).
Now I'm home and wiped out. Another workweek is fast approaching and I think I'm going to head to bed early tonight. I know I always say it, but I really need my rest. Maybe if I get back on a regular sleeping pattern, I'll have the energy I need to make it through the week. |
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| This Is Me |
[Jul. 19th, 2003|08:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
Full Name: Little Bird, I
DOB: August 10, 1981 (please send presents accordingly)
Current Location: Home - Waltham, MA; Work - Dorchester, MA
Current Clothes: AE ringer t-shirt, A&F low-rise chugger boot jeans
Current Mood: Bored
Current Music: r&b/hip-hop
Current Taste: retro
Current Make-up: i don't wear any
Current Hair: dark brown
Current Smell: Clinique Happy for Men
Current thing I ought to be doing: writing a story
Current Desktop Picture: Nancy Sinatra
Current Favorite Artist: Ashanti
Current Favorite Group: Ace of Base (they still rock)
Current Book: "Think And Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill
Current CD in CD Player: "The Summer Is Calling" (Mix CD I made for Bones)
Current tape in VCR/DVD: "Body Heat"
Current Color Of Toenails: natural
Current Refreshment: water (nature's fruit juice)
Current Worry: graduation
LAST PERSON...
You Touched: myself
You Talked to: Marilyn
You Hugged: Grandma
You Instant messaged: Dave
You Yelled At: I don't like yelling; it's a form of abuse
You Kissed: As in making out - Mike
FAVORITE...
Foods: anything my grandma makes; Italian
Drink: Alcoholic - Vodka tonics and Midori Sours; non-alcoholic - Pepsi
Color: blue
Album: probably "The Hit Years" by Nancy Sinatra
Shoes: my blue Aldo bowling shoe sneakers
Candy: Starburst (Original Fruits)
Animal: lion
TV Show: of all-time - "Married...With Children"
Movie: Too many to list
Song: currently - "Summer Days" by Ace of Base; of all-time - "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra
Vegetable: carrots or lettuce
Fruit: Gary
Cartoon: "The Simpsons"
ARE YOU...
Understanding: yes
Open-minded: yes
Jealous: we all have a tinge of envy in certain situations
Arrogant: no
Insecure: about certain things, yes
Interesting: yes
Random: oh my, yeah
Hungry: starved!
Friendly: yes
Smart: yes
Moody: yes, but i've been in a relatively good mood for an extended period of time
Childish: yeah
Independent: OH YES!
Hard working: yes, i like to get the job done. and done well.
Organized: "controlled chaos" i prefer to call it
Emotionally Stable: um, sure
Shy: surprisingly, i can be
Difficult: sure
Attractive: yeah
Bored Easily: yes
Messy: my room and car are
Thirsty: yes
Responsible: yes
Obsessed: yes, but i've gotten a lot better
Angry: no, not usually
Sad: sometimes
Happy: yes
Hyper: with my job, there's no escaping hyper-activity
Trusting: yes
Talkative: yes
Legal: sometimes
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
Kill: no one
Slap: no one
Get Really Wasted With: Gary
Get High With: I think it would be interesting to see Gary roll. LOL
Tickle:
Look Like: james dean
Talk To Offline: whoever
Talk To Online: whoever
HAVE YOU EVER...
Been kissed? yes
How many times: many
Done Drugs? should i list 'em all?
Eaten an entire box of Oreos? chocolate? EW!
Been on stage? yes
Dumped Someone? yes
Gotten in a car accident? yes, a few
Watched "Punky Brewster"? oh my god, yes! fave show as a youngster!
Been in love? yes
FAVORITE...
Shampoo?: Pantene Classic Clean
Toothpaste? Aqua Fresh
Soap? Dove
Type of soup?: Clam Chowder
Room in your house? my bedroom
Instrument? violin
EITHER/OR...
Coffee or hot chocolate: neither! both nasty!
Big or Little: Big
Lace or satin? satin
New or old? old
Jeans or cords? jeans
Sweater or sweatshirt? sweater
T-shirt or tank top? T-shirt
Skirt or dress? dress (but i don't wear 'em)
Wool or cotton? cotton
Rose or Lily? rose
Oldies or pop? like them both
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nope
Do you have a best friend? yes, G-Dogg
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? no
Helped someone? yes
Bought something? yes
Gotten sick? no
Gone to the movies? no
Gone out for dinner? no
Said "I Love You?": no
Written a real letter? no
Moved on? yes!
Talked to an ex? no
Missed an ex? no
Had a serious talk? yes
Missed someone? yes
Hugged someone? no
Fought with your parents? no
Fought with a friend? no
DO YOU...
Wear eye shadow? no
Put on a "front"? i'm real
If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would it be?: I have two on my upper right arm; one is the chinese character for "passion," and the other is the chinese character for "foolish"
What color is your floor/carpet in your room?: steel blue
What was the last CD you bought? "Thalia" by Thalia
How did you spend last summer? fucked up on a lot of drugs
When's the last time you showered? this morning
Are you lonely? no
Are you happy? yes
Are you wearing pajamas? no, i'm at work
Are you talking to someone online? yes, to Dave (aka DX)
What is your astrological sign? LEO!
What are you listening to/watching right now? Nothing; it's quiet in the newsroom
What time is it? 9:28 p.m. |
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| Cruel Summer |
[Jul. 19th, 2003|04:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ace of Base/Bananarama - "Cruel Summer" | ] |
Hot summer streets, and the pavements are burning
I sit around
Trying to smile, but the air is so heavy and dry
Strange voices are saying...
Ah, what did they say?
Things I can't understand
It's too close for comfort
This heat has got right out of hand
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Now you're gone
You're not the only one
The city is crowded, my friends are away
And I'm on my own
It's too hot to handle
So I've got to get up and go
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Now you're gone
You're not the only one
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Leaving me here on my own
It's a cruel, (cruel) cruel summer
Now you're gone
You're not the only one |
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| Keep It Together |
[Jul. 14th, 2003|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | intrigued | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amiel - "Lovesong" | ] |
Well, my three-day weekend is rapidly drawing to a close. Today, I spent the day over my grandparents' house.
They just bought a new car (a black Honda Civic LX) and I said, "Oh, Grandma, that's a nice car, but it looks just like your old one." (A black Dodge Neon)
"Yes, I know," she said. "But, don't tell Papa, 'cause he thinks they look really different. Oh well. The headlights are prettier on this one anyway." LOL
My grandma has a way of delivering a punch line that's half-sarcastic and half-serious. Whenever I go over there, I always leave with knots in my stomach from laughing so hard.
We have this tradition that every summer, around the 4th of July, we watch this movie from 1937 called "Stella Dallas." See, I'm a HUGE fan of classic movies. I usually prefer them to movies of today more often than not. So, I'll rent a bunch of classic movies and whenever I spend the day over my grandparent's, I usually bring one over. It's always fun to watch one with them cause they get all excited to see the movie stars of yesteryear they grew up watching. Most of the time, they've actually SEEN the movie when it first came out. We're talking like 60 to 70 years ago. And chances are, they haven't seen it since. So, we all get pleasure from watching them.
Anyway, I'm a big Barbara Stanwyck fan (Gary will soon know who she is when I force him to watch the movie "Double Indemnity") lol. Rewind to 1997, when I was first getting into her and watching her movies, I asked my grandparents what movies they remember seeing her in. My grandmother said there was this one movie she saw back in 1937 called "Stella Dallas," about a self-sacrificing mother who gave up everything so her daughter could be happy. (It was remade as "Stella" in 1990 with Bette Midler). My grandmother said it was one of the first movies she remembered seeing. (She was 9 when it came out). It's quite a tear-jerker, and it always stayed with her. So, I found the movie, bought it and we watched it. This was in 1997, 60 years since the last time she saw the movie. So, now we watch it every summer. It's our thing. :)
Naturally, I was fed like a king. My grandmother is half Italian and half Portuguese, so the food she makes is to die for. She makes this Portuguese dish with rice and two types of Portuguese sausage. It's so good, I even brought some in to my fave editor at the Globe awhile back so she could try some. I told her to consider herself lucky, 'cause not everyone gets to eat it. It's just amazing.
So I had that along with some other goodies, we watched the movie and then chatted for a few hours. I started asked my grandmother about family history stuff. It's so weird cause I have no memory of my great-grandmother (who died when I was 6), so my living history begins with my grandparents. And to think my grandma had a mom and a grandma, too, feels kind of funny (if that makes any sense). So, I love finding out family history and where I came from, so I was asking questions.
I was especially interested in learning about my great-uncle, Michael, my grandmother's brother. He was gay and died really young and no one really talks about him much anymore. In fact, there really aren't very many pictures of him. Only a few. But the few that do exist show that he was a REALLY good-looking guy. And to look at him, you'd never think that underneath he had so many problems.
He had quite the life from the bits and pieces of information I've heard. And since he was the first openly gay relative in my family (at least, that anyone can remember), I was curious to learn about what it was like to be gay back then. He died when he was 45 (according to my mother), in a time when homosexuality was considered a mental illness (much along the lines of schizophrenia, a disease he also had), it was blamed on the mother, and no one talked about it. Really sad.
Hearing stuff like that makes me feel fortunate, and happy that I live in a time when being gay (or even having some kind of disease or illness) can be talked about openly and candidly. But I still wonder what he'd be like if he were alive today. |
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| It Makes Me Want A Hot Dog Real Bad! |
[Jul. 13th, 2003|09:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ace of Base - "Dr. Sun" | ] |
I'm in the middle of my three-day weekend. Ahh! So nice! I was actually BORED tonight. I haven't been bored in a long time. I'm always active and keeping busy, so it was a little weird to have time on my hands with nothing to do.
I took off from work yesterday cause Gary and I had tickets to see the B-52's concert. It was fun! I've never been a huge B-52's fan, but the show was great and their music is a lot better than I anticipated.
Yesterday afternoon I took to get some errands done. Cleaned the room. Paid some bills. Then I went over Gary's and presented him with a CD. That was the present I'd been working on. Since I'm an anal retentive freak, everything about the CD had to be perfect and look and sound a certain way. I don't have a burner, so I emailed the track list to my friend Erica and she started to download some songs. A few of the songs are rarer, so I knew we'd have some difficulty locating them. Of course, I have all these songs on my other computer that's not hooked up to the Internet.
After a few hours, we found all of the 19 tracks, but three. But, of course, they were the three most important songs. I called the CD "The Summer Is Calling," after the first song on the CD (by a techno group called Aquagen). I wanted the CD to have a real summery feel and the three songs we couldn't find were key! It was frustrating 'cause I have these songs and even when I tried to save them to a floppy disk, they wouldn't save.
But I don't give up so easily. Luckily, we found two of the three tracks and got them downloaded. But the last song ("Summer Days" by Ace of Base) was vital and it was nowhere to be found. I even implored to other Ace of Base fans on various web sites to email me the mp3 if anyone had it. We started the CD on Wednesday and I spent all day Thursday and Friday trying to find it on various music sharing services. (Sidenote: WinMX is by far the fastest and best). I had Erica looking for it, too. (She must think I'm a big pain in the ass!)
Then I figured I'd try to save it to a disk once more. And it worked! So, I sent it to Erica early Friday and she burned two copies (one for Gary, one for me) and I picked 'em up Saturday morning.
I'm glad I didn't just give up and not include that song cause Gary said he really liked it after listening to it. Here's what I put on the CD: Aquagen - The Summer Is Calling; Ace of Base - Dr. Sun; Ace of Base - Summer Days; Ashanti - Rock Wit U (Awww Baby); DJ Encore - I See Right Through To You; Kosheen - Hungry; Madonna - Lies In Your Eyes; N-Trance - Forever; Rhona - Satisfied; Roxette - Stars; Samantha Mumba - I'm Right Here; Amiel - Lovesong; Gabrielle - Don't Need the Sun To Shine; Nancy Sinatra - Sugar Town; Sarah Connor - Let's Get Back To Bed, Boy!; Shakaya - Stop Calling Me; Alex Lloyd - Amazing; Zero 7 - Destiny; and Thalia - I Want You.
So, we grabbed a quick bite before the concert, and drove to Brockton. The concert started at 7 p.m. We got a little lost in Brockton, but found it okay. I thought it was just the B-52's, but it was some type of music fest and they had two other bands and a singer prior to the B-52's. One of the bands, The Dresden Dolls (a local band) was REALLY good. We even bought their 5-song CD after they played.
The B-52's were fun. One of the female singers, Kate Pierson (the redhead), was so much fun to watch! She was dancing like she it was 1967 and every move was so precise and deliberate. And the crowd was quite eclectic. A lot of baby-boomers and homos. "Love Shack" was the best (of course).
After the concert, we headed to Heather's for a party. I hadn't eaten much, so the first Vodka tonic I had hit me pretty quickly. I only had one more but the night is a blur. I threw up at Heather's and on the way home (and once more in Gary's bed). (We left the car there and walked back). So, I've come to the decision that I can no longer drink Vodka. When I used to drink Midori Sours, I would have like 5 and just start to feel a buzz. That's what I'll be drinkin' from now on. I love to have a good time, but what's the good in getting shitfaced, feeling like crap the next day and not remember a thing? I'd rather get buzzed, wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next day and remember everything.
Cause I blacked out as we were walking home. Apparently, I didn't even make it to the bed the first time around. Gary told me I, literally, crawled to his bathroom and passed out on the floor. I don't remember that. But I woke up in his bed, so I don't know how I got there. I guess I must've gotten up during the night and got into bed. Apparently, along the way, I whacked my right elbow on something (the bathroom floor?) cause it was throbbing when I woke up. Mommie would be so mad if I told her about it. You know how moist she likes to keep her elbows.
Today we were both tired and slow-moving, but we did manage to make it to CPK for lunch. Then we parted so we could nap. I couldn't nap. So, I watched TV and relaxed, listened to my new CDs and made a few return phone calls.
Tomorrow, I'm spending the day over my grandparent's. It should be fun. I wonder what my grandmother cooked. Her food is amazing. Then it's back to work on Tuesday. (sigh). I'm going to have to do this three-day weekend thing more often though! |
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